Flying The Frisky Skies

(4/28/14)  Long gone are the romantic, glory days of air travel.  Priorities such as passenger comfort, classy service and cheerful attention have given way to warden-like oppression of travelers shoehorned into austere spaces better suited for Lilliputians than actual people.  Referring to the airlines as “buses with wings” would be a disservice to buses.  Blame it on the times we live in, greedy capitalism, terrorism or whatever you’d like, but with the romance completely sucked out, it should be little surprise that an increasing number of flyers are looking for alternatives to make their experiences aloft just a bit more palatable–and oh yes, even pleasurable.

One of the more prevalent options in this pursuit is the frisky business of joining the “Mile High Club” (MHC)–a euphemism for a daring sexual encounter occurring during flight (technically, above 5,280 feet for obvious reasons).  Though hardly a new concept in and of itself, the notion is getting a bit of facelift these days as budding entrepreneurs are jockeying for position in a modern market that’s bored, pissed off, abused and, in essence, otherwise held hostage at several thousand feet for hours at a time.

Before delving into the business of getting down up there, it’s important to keep a few legalities in mind.  While there is no specific law prohibiting sex in an aircraft (in other words, it’s unlikely that you’ll ever hear a flight attendant admonish, “Turn off all electronics, bring your tray tables and seat backs to their full upright and locked positions for takeoff and ensure that your hanging parts stay hanging in for the duration of our flight.”), there are plenty of broadly-worded gotchas that authorities can twist to fit any given occasion–and especially those that involve coming while going somewhere.  These include things ranging from indecent conduct through interfering with a flight crew, but suffice it to say that while a good part of the thrill in any kind of public tryst is the possibility of getting caught, you don’t really want to get caught!  So, along with thoughtful consideration for other passengers who aren’t consenting collaborators, a little planning is definitely in order.

The riskiness of friskiness aside, there are actually a few incentives for trying out gland-to-gland combat in the wild blue yonder.  MHC “members” often claim that it’s the best sex they’ve ever had–and it’s not just because of the thrill involved.  Physiological factors such as the aircraft’s movements/vibrations and reduced oxygen pressure at high altitude are common elements in enhancing the sensuality of the experience, often resulting in more powerful orgasms. It’s literally a classic example of risk vs. reward.

In any event, let’s say that you’re looking to join the 10% percent of American flyers (Expedia, 2013) who get jiggy with it in the clouds.  If you’re more concerned with preserving the “doing it” part without overtly risking the “getting caught” issue and you have the means, a specialty airline such as Las Vegas-based Love Cloud might be your ticket.  Such carriers, and there are now several in business, offer private flights catering specifically to romantic liaisons, though their offerings are very carefully worded to keep everyone out of hot water.  You’ll even receive an MHC card at the conclusion of your flight, perfectly suitable as bragging ammo at the next gathering of your favorite pub mates.

If you’re just an average Joe or Jane in the flying public and you’re lacking a willing partner in crime before being sealed into your flying sardine can, fear not.  There’s an app for that!    Miscellaneous Mischief, an aptly named tech start-up, is currently beta-testing “Wingman,” a service that matches up travelers on the same flight who have potentially similar interests.  Of course, the idea is generally being marketed as a tool for “conversation starting” but it doesn’t take a computer scientist to root out the real intent.  The bottom line is that if you’re sitting 14 rows away from a potential hook-up who has the same delightfully devious notion as you, you both now have a way to, uhm, well, hook up.  (Brilliant. Don’t you just love the 21st Century?!)

Whatever the reason for the pitiful state of commercial aviation these days, flying is still a fun and exhilarating experience–made even more exciting when intimately shared with someone special (or, you know, that guy or gal from row 7 who you just met a little while ago).  In fact, one of the great aviators of all time, the irrepressible stunt queen, Florence “Pancho” Barnes, famously captured the feeling by stating, “Flying makes me feel like a sex maniac in a whorehouse with a stack of $20 bills.”  Enough said.

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