Category: Health and Wellness

Sex Across America Salutes: Kink Aware Professionals

(12/2/13)  We’ve come a long way in bringing about more candid and open conversations regarding sexuality, but the unintended irony is that we might actually have too much of a good thing in some cases.  While the quantity and quality of available resources is significantly better today than it was just a few years ago, we’re now facing a period of information overload.  This is to say that there are so many resources that it’s difficult at times to distinguish between what might be useful or not.  When you don’t really know where to start, fear being judged or are concerned about misinformation, where should you turn?

One place to start is Kink Aware Professionals (KAP), a non-profit directory of medical, legal, therapeutic and administrative professionals who understand and support various sexuality concerns and lifestyle choices.  Conceptualized by psychotherapist Guy Baldwin in the mid-80s and further developed by sex educator-activist Race Bannon, KAP has been managed by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) since about 2005 and focuses on professional service providers in the U.S. and Canada with limited listings for other areas.  Additionally, some providers offer their services either electronically or by telephone.  Professionals appearing in KAP listings volunteer to be listed and are not routinely vetted by the NSCF, however, most are verifiably credentialed in their particular field of expertise and are usually classified by experience level.

Although the name implies that the services covered are limited to professionals with an understanding of kink-oriented lifestyles only, KAP is actually much more diverse in scope, offering a wide array of resources to help regardless of particular interest.  The basic categories offered include:

  • Accounting and finance professionals
  • Counselors and therapists
  • Medical doctors
  • Health and wellness practitioners
  • Lawyers
  • Businesses that provide service primarily by internet
  • Life coaches
  • Miscellaneous (e.g., mediators, investigators, etc.)
  • Psychologists
  • Spiritual advisors and wedding officiators
  • Web design and information technologies

The bottom line is to be of service to people wanting to find professionals who are sensitive to their specific needs regardless of their sexuality–and to not have their sexuality factor in prejudicially.  KAP has been meeting that goal head on for over 25 years and, thanks to the growing crop of professionals adding their voices, is getting even better.  It’s certainly one solid method for cutting through the cacophony these days when a professional ally is needed.

If you have had experience with a service provider listed in KAP, we’d like to hear from you.  Additionally, if you know someone who might be able to benefit from this program, please pass this article along to them (a ‘share’ button is below for your convenience).

Sex Across America’s Recommended Reading List

SAAgraphic11042013(11/4/13)  It’s almost that time of year.  The holidays are a’comin and while we’d love to recommend a shiny new toy or two as a stocking stuffer from Fallen Angel’s new toy boutique (hint, nudge, wink, kiss), we feel that as sex-positive educators and activists, it’s equally important to promote knowledge and literacy.  Besides, bookworms are sexy too, right? Accordingly, we’ve scoured our own library for titles that mean something special to us and asked for additional suggestions from some of the nation’s most respected sexologists, therapists and counselors.  The result:  The highly concentrated list below that we hope has at least something useful for everyone.

We would like to note that some of these suggestions are classics which may be hard to find or are no longer in print.  As such–and to provide third-party reviews for your consideration as well–we’ve linked each title to its product page at Amazon.com, which may have a limited amount of used editions for certain books that may interest you.  Additionally, some of these suggestions may be available in electronic form.

General Sexuality/Relationships: 

The New Male Sexuality by Bernie Zilbergeld

My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday

Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex by Nina Hartley with I.S. Levine

She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman by Ian Kerner

How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It by Dr. Patricia Love and Steven Stosney

The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex: The Most Complete Sex Manual Ever by Cathy Winks and Anne Semans

Loving and Lasting: How to Stay Tuned In and Turned On in Your Marriage by Ande Lyons and Michelle Preast

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex by Dr. David Reuben

The Goddess Orgasm by Eve Marx

Partners in Passion by Mark Michaels and Patricia Johnson (available to the general public in early 2014)

How to Tell a Naked Man What to Do by Candida Royale

Political/Historical:

How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale by Jenna Jameson and Neil Strauss

The Rape of the A*P*E* by Allan Sherman

One Nation Under Sex: How the Private Lives of Presidents, First Ladies and Their Lovers Changed the Course of American History by Larry Flynt and David Eisenbach

The Government Vs. Erotica: The Siege of Adam & Eve by Philip D. Harvey

Leatherfolk by Mark Thompson

The Red Queen by Matt Ridley

Inside Seka by Seka with Jim Norton and Kerry Zukus

Plays Well in Groups by Dr. Katherine Frank

Alternative Sexuality/Kink Oriented:

SM 101 by Jay Wiseman

Screw the Roses, Give Me the Thorns by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon

The Loving Dominant by Dr. John Warren (out of print, but copies still available on Amazon in short supply)

The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy

The ABCs of BDSM by Dama deNoche

The Gospel of Kink by Dr. Richard Wagner

Erotica:

Ultimate Sex by Miranda Forbes

The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by Anne Rice (A.N. Roquelaure)

Candy by Terry Southern and Mason Hoffenberg

X: The Erotic Treasury by Susie Bright

If you have comments about any of these recommendations or specific suggestions of your own to share with our readers, please leave a reply to this posting.  Your thoughts about this–and all of our topics–are not only important to us, but potentially beneficial to other readers as well, so sound off and join the conversation.

As we move into this year’s holiday season, all of us at SexAcrossAmerica.com want to take a moment to thank everyone who’s supported our efforts and promoted us within their own social and professional circles.  We hope you’re enjoying our direct, if somewhat off-beat-on-occasion coverage of various sex trends around the country and look forward to hearing suggestions regarding topics you would like to see covered in the future.  Just shoot us a quick email and we’ll be sure to get it on our upcoming schedule.

Granny and Gramps Still Got Their Groove On

(10/7/13)  It may not be something people think about often, but get used to it:  The elderly in America today are a pretty frisky bunch.  Averaging several studies carried out during the past five years, about 75% of adults aged 60-85 are not only active sexually, but a large portion also categorize themselves as “frequently active” and/or including “alternative activities” in their sex lives.  This might seem to be a bit counter-intuitive on the surface, but then again, real life often is.  The bottom line:  It’s good news.

Setting aside the associated social and political issues for a moment, one of the main reasons why some may be surprised at the high numbers is the prevailing assumption of diminished physical abilities among the elderly, particularly towards the higher end of the age range studied.  While that may have been a perfectly reasonable conclusion to draw in the past, recent advances in medicine and general care (not to mention our friend, the little blue pill) have resulted in Americans maintaining their sexual health and vitality well beyond previously considered age norms.  Additionally, it’s been found that maintaining a more active sex life sustains vibrancy, offers ongoing physical exercise and counters many negative psychological impacts associated to aging.  The emotional benefits in particular are significant when it comes to both an overall sense of well being as well as a positive physical state.  While it’s true that frequency does tend to decrease as age increases, a consensus among these studies found that interest remains high throughout the range.

Another reason why there may be some astonishment is simply because, until recently, there have been very few in-depth studies done on elder sex.  Politically, it’s been more popular to fund projects that focus on sex among teens and young adults.  Socially, there’s a general reverence for seniors that stereotypically disrupts any notion that they might actually be sneaking off for a little happy-nekkid-pagan-dancin’.  In other words, any perception that seniors have long since stopped getting jiggy with it is simply because, generally speaking, no one asks them.  The irony is that the few studies done report that senior citizens are genuinely quite happy to participate and they’re exceptionally forthcoming in their responses; most noting that the response rates were higher among seniors than any other age range.  Take that, youngins’.

Frankly, although it’s a subject that doesn’t usually come up as a priority when looking at sex trends in America, a highly sexed elderly population shouldn’t be so surprising given the specific life experiences of today’s seasoned generation.  For example, a 75 year old today likely developed their sexuality during the 1960s–an era of “free love” and social rebellion.  Having come through that wild ride of sex, drugs and rock-n-roll, it really shouldn’t be that much of a stretch to believe that they’re just as into it all now as they were then.  Perhaps it’s absurd to go so far as to claim that 80 is the new 20, but it’s great to know that “young at heart” actually has some real meaning today.

Yes, it may be a little uncomfortable to think about Grandma and Grandpa “that way” but too bad.  Apparently they could care less about what anyone thinks.  And to that we say:  Good for them.  Twice.

Good Lovin’ Through Surrogate Partner Therapies

(9/23/13)  Masters and Johnson are back in the news with the upcoming premiere of Masters of Sex, a Showtime series dramatizing the lives of the sex therapy pioneers.  Accordingly, we thought it would be a good time to highlight one of their lesser known approaches for dealing with a wide array of sexual dysfunctions: The use of surrogate partner therapies.

If you saw the 2012 award winning film, The Sessions, then you have a basic idea of how surrogacy works.  Though the film is highly fictionalized for entertainment purposes and not representative of how such therapies play out in real life, it does give a reasonable example of how the approach can be powerful and transformative.  Specifically, a Surrogate Partner Therapist (SPT) expands upon traditional therapies by helping clients with exercises and experiences involving sensual and sexual touch, breathing techniques, relaxation skills and sensate focus.  Trained and certified by the International Professional Surrogates Association (IPSA) which has led this field since 1973, their work always involves the ongoing participation of a licensed mental health professional to work effectively in a therapeutic team with the client.  Ethical guidelines established by IPSA are followed at all times and clients must be seeing a therapist/counselor before starting sex surrogacy therapies.

Clients benefit by focusing on immediate, positive physical and emotional outcomes, leaving unproductive sexual thought processes behind.  Additionally, responding to the physical body helps overcome other difficulties clients may be experiencing in their lives.  Leaving the talk therapy to the therapist and dealing specifically with the body work, the triadic relationship enables clients to positively process their experience with maximum support.  Because this work is very intimate and intense, SPTs only works with licensed psychologists, psychotherapists and sex therapists.  Through thorough and specific support, the client receives maximum help and understanding.  The goal of the therapy is to understand and resolve whatever is inhibiting a person’s sexual success so the client doesn’t have to spend another day living with pain, fear or sexual discomfort.

Specifically, SPTs can help with:

  • Reducing anxiety
  • Connecting with your body’s sensations
  • Shedding inhibitions
  • Releasing misconceptions about sex
  • Learning how to ask for what you want
  • Developing healthy relationships
  • Feeling more comfortable with intimacy 
  • Addressing adult virginity
  • Vaginismus
  • Erectile insufficiency
  • Early ejaculation
  • Delayed ejaculation
  • Shyness
  • Body image issues
  • Gaining self-love and self-acceptance
  • Overcoming sexual problems
  • Unlocking your unexplored sexual potential
  • Developing social skills to help with dating  

Although the approach has been around for years, it’s not without some controversy, particularly when it comes to ethics, legalities and credentialing.  Presently, there are actually very few (less than 50) certified SPTs in the country, but ensuring that an SPT is appropriately prepared is an important distinction in terms of professionalism and raising the chances for a positive client outcome.  Though no state currently has any laws prohibiting surrogate partner therapy, situational reviews do occur on occasion and tend to focus primarily on the professional competencies involved.  For example, at least two cases in California involving a therapist referring to a surrogate partner were reviewed by the state’s Licensing Review Board and in each case the board determined that no unethical behavior was present.  According to an article in the San Jose Mercury News, Kamala Harris (then of the Alameda County District Attorney’s Office and later, California’s Attorney General) stated unequivocally, ”If it’s between consensual adults and referred by licensed therapists and doesn’t involve minors, then it’s not illegal.” Additionally, in August 2010, the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT) affirmed that if the surrogate partner is properly trained and educated, then the therapy is not unethical.

Ultimately, when applied competently, the approach has proven exceptionally effective in improving the lives of many who would otherwise suffer through a life of dysfunction.  So, if you (or someone you know) are feeling uncomfortable with your sexual orientation or gender, dealing with insecurity or lack of experience with sexuality, afraid of not being able to perform sexually or struggling with long-standing physical or emotional issues with sex, then Surrogate Partner Therapy might be a viable strategy to consider.

(Note:  We’ve provided the IPSA link above if you need general information, but if you have specific/confidential questions, just email us directly we’ll be happy to address your concerns or try to point you in the right direction.)