Fantasies Across America

When looking at emerging trends in sexuality, some are much easier to pin down than others.  While many people are finding greater liberation in discussing sex these days, there are still certain aspects that are tougher to discuss openly or admit to honestly in surveys, even if there’s an assurance of anonymity.  Whether it’s due to a fear of being judged, an aversion to having to deal with an emotional process or outright denial for whatever reason, there are just some things that many people want (or need) to keep to themselves when it comes to their sexual proclivities.  The subject of fantasies tops that list.

Frankly, the lack of candor regarding fantasies makes a certain amount of sense if you pull at the seams a bit.  It’s a serious emotional risk to admit most fantasies aloud and many likely feel that a fantasy kept private is also a fantasy kept perfect.  There’s no real way of telling how many bomb when people try to bring them into reality, but there’s absolutely no risk if one keeps their fantasy safely couched inside.  Accordingly, these sorts of things tend to remain closeted and excluded from positive developments in sexuality trends.  Yes, it makes perfect sense, but that doesn’t mean it makes sense for the better.

Here’s the thing:  Admitting to and playing out fantasies with a consenting partner can be a perfectly safe, healthy and fun way to not only explore and expand one’s sexuality, but also to increase intimacy and trust.  The hardest part of the whole deal is simply getting the proverbial ball rolling, but once it is, keeping it rolling in the right direction is just a matter of basic planning and developing comfort with the process.  It’s a serious hurdle, to be sure, but it can be surmounted if an honest commitment is made to keeping an open mind and nonjudgmental approach.  Normalizing the method that works best for the unique people involved might take a few tries, but planning for such little bumps in the road ahead can minimize their impact in the long run–and in fact, enhance the bonding.  How one couple does that will likely be quite different from another, but the key is to apply traits that work well in other aspects of a specific relationship and fine tune them as progress is made.  If a partner has a legitimate concern about a particular fantasy, it should be taken seriously and worked out to a reasonable compromise.  Usually, if a couple is comfortable with a negotiating style as a foundation in their relationship (i.e., “Sure, I’ll go see the bang-em-up, shoot-em-up, blow-em-up movie with you this weekend if we can go see the touchy-feely-teary-cuddly-feel-good flick next weekend.”), then chances are a quid-pro-quo approach will work equally well, as long as it’s equitable.

As the process takes root, keep it simple.  While many fantasies are highly detailed in one’s imagination, trying to accomplish them with perfect intricacy in reality usually spells doom.  Aiming for a more general effect has a much better chance of success, at least at the outset.  You can always step things up as time goes on, but try to rack up a few wins first in order to build confidence when first starting out.  Additionally, try not to look at things that don’t go so well as failures but rather as opportunities to improve the next time.  It’s just as important–and effective–to know what doesn’t work as what does.  If you have an oops, blow it off, laugh at it together and make the necessary adjustment as you progress.

Ultimately, while it’s a general subject that many prefer to keep private, it’s a lot more common than most might think.  Hopefully, knowing you’re not alone in that regard will be a catalyst for giving it a good shot.  Exploring fantasies through erotic role playing with a partner can be a simple, yet elegant way to expand your sexual repertoire and perk up your sex life immensely.  Keep it direct and to the point at first, but don’t be afraid to push the edges a little as time goes on.  If it’s less-than-perfect in execution, focus on the intimacy and fun and then just resolve to tweak it a bit the next time.  It’s genuinely one of those things where the journey is much more important than the destination.